


The ways that Felix disappeared

by Moonjay8



Category: Nowhere Boys (TV)
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Because I felt like writing sad Felix...., Gen, Goth - Freeform, Hurt, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonjay8/pseuds/Moonjay8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix's disappearance was slow. It started with white walls, crying, screaming, small children begging. The hospital was filled with sounds that Felix wished he couldn't hear. </p><p>A short fic about Felix, and his life after Oscar's accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Felix's disappearance was slow. It started with white walls, crying, screaming, small children begging. The hospital was filled with sounds that Felix wished he couldn't hear. He was yet to be yelled at by someone, probably his father, for letting Oscar fall; no matter, the cynical teen knew the arguments would come. Always the pessimist, this outlook hadn't changed with time.

He was still wearing the clothes from earlier, save for the striped grey hoodie Ellen had brought when she visited. He heard more sobbing. His mother. All she seemed to do was cry, repeating that same phrase over and over.

"My poor darling. My poor baby boy." Felix was sure it was ingrained in the brains of all the nurses, who scurried in and out of rooms, offering weak reassurance that Oskie would live.

Felix buried his head in his hands.

 _"Oscar. Baby brother."_ He whispered, voice harsh as sand paper.

Time passed with cautious footsteps, leaving the family in a fragile trance.

Though Felix wouldn't remember much more than a blur, he cried on the car trip home. His mother hadn't spoken a word to him, his father offered nothing more than strangled glances, awkward pats on the shoulder that were both angry and sympathetic.

Hospitals took their toll on everyone.

Felix had been bright. He had been pessimistic, yes, and for sure, a realist, but bright, cheerful, with a passion for guitar. He had spent most of his time outside, with Oscar, rather than in his bedroom, which had acted as more of an in-between for his various hobbies; when he returned home, he found it to be in much the same state as before.

Dorky sweaters adorned his closet, hair gel and bobby pins scattered across the surface of his bedside table. A pair of loose jeans had been folded carefully, still to be put away

But everything seemed tinted shades of grey.

It took him a whole month to figure out that it wasn't the room that had been altered.

To an outside observer, the differences, slight at first, might have seemed normal, natural, as though they would've happened anyway. Yet, like the few locks of blond hair at the back of his neck that turned blood red, Felix changed.

The lip piercings freaked out his mother, the wardrobe change angered his father.

Ellen showed up one day, a new black choker adorning her neck, to hear yelling through the thick walls of the house.

"Why do you insist on acting like a freak, after all that's happened with Oscar! Your mother is…"

She could remember Felix storming out, flyscreen banging against the doorframe, breaking up the shocked, furious expression of his dad.

Oscar came home the day after.

And while everyone tried to hide it, it was obvious things were different.

It was made all the more obvious when Felix started to disappear.

The first time, it took Oscar yelling at their mother to make anyone realise the now-goth hadn't been home for at least a day

So, the dark-haired teen became craftier, convincing his parents he was at Ellen's, or staying with one of the few friends he still had left. If there was one person he cared about, it was Oscar, and it was the job of an older brother to protect the younger one, not the other way around.

But, by the time Felix was fifteen, it was obvious he didn't even have to pretend. Days would pass where no one would notice his absence; not even Oscar, who spent his days being smothered, to the point that he hardly saw Felix anyway as the wheel-chair bound boy was dragged from one doctor to another.

If anyone noticed that Felix was missing, in more ways than one, it would be brushed off.

"I was with Ellen."

"I'm just tired."

"Mum knew, she was just frazzled. Oscar's sick again. Of course she didn't forget about me."

Because, despite his projected persona's tendency to brush things off with a cutting edge, it took Felix six months before he gave up with excuses. Before he abandoned the last shreds of who he used to be.

Before Felix Ferne disappeared altogether.


	2. Realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the boys came to realise that something was up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****WARNING******
> 
> Brief, non-graphic mention of self-harm and implied depression
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE if this kind of thing triggers you, whether it triggers depression, or anxiety, or self-harm, or anything, don't read it, even if you want to. Trust me. I've been there. It's not fun.

Perhaps, the first inkling the boys had, was when they arrived back at Bremin after their night in the woods, tired, but otherwise unharmed. The chill that trickled down their spines was no mistake, although none of them were game to mention that something wasn’t right.

“Does our disappearances, and miraculous reappearances, seem like a bit of a non-event to you?” Sam asked, flustered and confused as to why he was no longer being showered with the attention he had been gifted with since birth.

“Normal for me.” Felix muttered sharply.

“Weird for me!” Sam replied.

Later, this conversation would play on Jake’s mind; he would wonder how such a simple phrase could prelude so much. He would wonder how it slipped past his guard, words so simply honest that it was a wonder any of the boys missed it at all.

Andy had noticed. He had noticed Felix the way one might notice the tiniest spot of darkness in a room full of candles. He noticed in the way you might notice the absence of something. That absence being obvious in little things.

The way Felix nodded as they passed in the corridors, earplugs jammed in, bopping his head to music that spilled out of the gaps. Or the fact that he never laughed at Jake’s dumb taunts or Sam’s merciless teasing. The understanding in his eyes when Andy found his things stolen, or messed up, or that one time they had gotten scattered across the yard, his bag hanging from a tree, a carefully edited essay floating uselessly on the top of the school’s pond. It wasn’t friendship, nor pity. It wasn’t even kindness. But you could tell, from the way Felix’s eyes hardened, then softened, that he understood. You could tell from Andy’s grateful glance that he did too.

He didn’t miss the way Felix walked around him on the bus, shuffling past without a glance, unlike others who seemed to elbow him on purpose, or the way he slowed down during the hike, stopping for Andy despite the annoyance in his eyes. He glared daggers at everyone, and Andy was no exception. But Felix never went out of his way to be rude, either.

At first, it struck Andy as strange. Felix’s volatile nature with the others, deserving or not of his foul temper, should’ve rightfully extended to him. But it never did.

“Don’t you think it’s weird, how reserved Felix is?” Andy asked Jake, one afternoon, whilst Felix was off spending time with his brother. Jake rolled his eyes, remided once again of why everyone considered the Asian an idiot, despite his crazy knowledge of the space-time continuum.

“If you call snarkiness, sarcasm and arrogance being reserved, yeah, sure.” Andy shook his head, countless ways of wording his thoughts running through his head.

“No, look beyond that.” As usual, having chosen the worst possible wording, Andy found himself sitting in front of an very confused Jake.

“It’s a disguise, a mask. Think about it. He’s okay in smaller groups, but he keeps away from larger ones. He doesn’t trust authority, and he prefers to do his own thing. Take, as an example, the day at the river. Rather than join in, he stayed off to one side, in the middle of summer, wearing long black jeans and a black shirt.”

Over the time, both boys began to notice. Perhaps, had there have been no rifts between the group, Jake would’ve been the first to notice. Grounded, as his element suggested, he had always had a knack for telling when people weren’t happy.

He knew better than anyone, how quietly sadness could creep up on a person, the ways confict could destroy people. Could destroy families.

Jake watched, with wide eyes growing wider, as he picked up all the things that, like a fool in the dark, he had missed. Things he would’ve, should’ve, seen earlier, if only he’d had the sense to turn on the light.

The way Felix’s face would light up when his mother asked him to stay for dinner. His jealousy of Andy over Ellen. The intense concentration on his face whenever he was writing in his journal, the way he got obsorbed into his work, letting the rest of the world wash away. Like patterns in the sand, he knew nothing lasted long.

And Jake kept replaying that comment, over and over, in his head.

‘Normal for me.’

Normal. Normal for him to just disappear for a night, with no warning, and be able to expect no one to miss him.

As though he genuinely believed people didn’t care.

Sam was the last to notice.

What had opened his eyes was the thing that infuriated him the most. But after days spent blaming Felix for all the problems his spell had inadvertendly created, Sam began to think. A miracle, the others would say.

The fact that Felix had done so much for his brother, the happiness when his parents accepted him, albeit unaware of the exact circumstances, the time and effort he put into being there for a boy who didn’t even realise he was his brother.

Well, it wasn’t hard to figure out.

Felix was the most supried of all.

It had rained all week, but was supposed to dry for the weekend. Everyone had planned a party for them.

Felix sat curled on the edge of his bed, feet tucked under him, hands covered by gloves. Obvously black. The knocking at his door seemed of no importance, a world away from the boy, who sat pouring over his journal, trying to figure out where his spell went wrong.

“You just gonna sit there?” The voice of a blond-haired boy drifted through his door.

Felix jolted up, eyes frantically whirling to the four figured blocking his doorway.

“Oskie, next time knock.” He grumbled affectionately, before casting his gaze to the three boys he’d spent so much of his time with.

“What do you losers want?” Andy grinned, eyes disproportionately light, considering the situation.

“We came to say hi. Make sure you stop sneaking off to god knows where when your parents are being…” Jake cut him off with a firm eye.

“What he means to say is, we’re just checking you’re okay.” Felix glared at them, scowl in place.

“Look, I don’t need babysitters.” He growled, words accented by his slight lisp.

“Well, obviously not dude, considering you’ve got cuts all up your arm!” Sam narrowed his eyes, rolling them exasperatedly. Felix self-consiouly tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, whilst Oscar took this as his cue to leave.

Jake slipped in, feet quiet on the cold floorboards, to sit down next to the suddenly small boy perched on the edge of a dark bed.

“I saw them in gym. We got worried.” His voice was soft, earthy, as though afraid he might scare away any chance of helping their friend with a loud noise, or a misplaced word.

“You don’t have to treat me like some little kid. I know what I’m doing.” Felix muttered.

Sam scoffed across the room, replying with a sarcastic “yeah, that’s obvious." Jake glared in return. Shifting uncomfortably, Felix waited for them to go. When it became apparent they wouldn’t, he sighed, feeling the previously-settled weight in his chest stir again, dredging up unwanted emotions from behind his usual defense of emptiness.

“It’s just, being back. Seeing Oscar like that. He knows, but he doesn’t know the reason. Too innocent, too trusting, for his own good. Don’t let him find out, okay.” The last part was whispered, a plea, laced with anguish. There was a rich darkness behind Felix’s eyes that scared Jake almost as much as it broke his heart.

“We, we won’t ask questions, if you don’t want. I mean, not today, anyway. But, we figured we’d stay for a bit. The night, actually. Heard your parents were going out of town. Andy brought food from the resteraunt. Got lemon chicken, too.” Jake explained, knowing that trying to cross to many bridges in one day would only end in Felix drowning. He wasn’t altogether unfamiliar with this situation.

Felix felt his throat catch, locking away his voice for the time it took to blink the sting in his eyes.

“What, did golden boy and nerd elect you as spokesperson?” Felix joked, once his throat had cleared, silently praying that the others wouldn’t notice the unusually frayed edge to his tone.

“Something like that.” Jake grinned.

And like that, they changed topics, as easy as the wind changes directions. But like anything, it was only temporary. The conversation wouldn’t be forgotten.

In fact, it would linger, like an itch left unscratched, in their mind. It was something they would come to talk about plenty in the coming weeks, dragging mud through old wounds, but at the same time, allowing them the air they needed to breathe.

After all, everyone had a few skeletons in their closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, so, how did you like it? I tried to subtly reference the fact that Felix has a lot of conflicted feelings, as well as depression. How did it come across? Comment, and or leave kudos, and you'll make me a very dragon!! :)
> 
>  
> 
> (P.S. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who followed this fic, or who followed me. I never had any intention of a second chapter, but as a little thank you to everyone, I wrote this!)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, first fic! This is something I also have posted on my FanFiction.net account, so don't worry if you've seen it there! Tell me what you think? Any kind of response usually results in me jumping around wherever I am equaling, and frantic replies, if that proves to be any incentive! :)


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